I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
this hospital has no fireball
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
