I got chris browned last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My ass is underappreciated
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize