In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
