Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
