At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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