Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
