I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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