Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
His nipple licking is glorious
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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