Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
