All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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