i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
