Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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