my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He has the fingertips of a God
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