fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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