I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
