i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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