I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
