I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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