Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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