I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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