I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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