i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize