in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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