i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Are we still banned from the library?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
