That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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