Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
birth control should be required to get into college
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
