My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize