I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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