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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's Friday. Sex?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
