I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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