im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
