I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
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