i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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