you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
