a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
