I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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