I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
