Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
