Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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