evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
