Got a toothbrush?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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