I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
