I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
