She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
