My nipple is on Facebook.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
