I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
