obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
