Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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