i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
