Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
