they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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