Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
