is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
