I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize