It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
