I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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