Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and she was petting her beer can
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
