Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize