is wine microwaveable?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
