Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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