At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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