piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
