thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
