i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
