I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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