never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
