Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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