u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
