I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
