so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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