Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
