And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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