I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
