Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Drunk is a universal language darling
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
