look no pants
I'm going to jail i love you
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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