Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
