He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
