so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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