Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
