Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
someone owes me an orgasm
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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