I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
