it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
